


fuck you (roblox & tragedy)

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Series: janus & what happened with cp [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Past Sexual Assault, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, Underage Rape/Non-con, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Janus isn't normally excessively hateful, but for this fucking asshole, he makes an exception.Janus fucking hates the man who hurt him.
Series: janus & what happened with cp [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997083
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19





	fuck you (roblox & tragedy)

**Author's Note:**

> (tagged sa and noncon to be safe)
> 
> the tags-
> 
> Lmk if there's extra TWs I forgot to tag, or to mention!
> 
> <3!!

_**and you said** _

Janus knew he shouldn't have listened.

He knew he shouldn't have, especially to him.

What was he thinking? 

To be fair, though, he probably wasn't..

Of course he wasn't, he was just a kid.

A child.

Small, weak, naïve, stupid.

So, of course he didn't want this stranger to hurt themself. 

This stranger, who he would soon know as CP.

Janus cared for CP, despite only ever playing one game with him.

One game.

He'd been playing ROBLOX, something like.. 'bloxsburg' or that one that lets you dress up as royalty and you extend highschool with other royals.. 'Royal High'! 

That's the game he was most likely playing.

He was only nine at the time.

He was only nine when he first met CP.

He was only nine when he first met his.. abuser? 

( _No, that.. doesn't seem right._

_Not abuser._

_Sure, he'd done things that you'd have to be incredibly fucked up to do, especially to a child, but.._

_Maybe Janus was still in denial, after all these years.. maybe._

_But-- not, not abuser_..)

_**"bottoms up!"** _

Shortly after playing the game with CP, he'd befriended him, and they were messaging in the ROBLOX private chat.

They'd stay like that, talking, building a connection, for about three weeks.

Three weeks.

Three weeks of getting to know CP.

Three weeks of getting close with CP.

Three weeks, before CP asked to talk on a different app. 

( _Kik, which Janus didn't have, or know about, at the time._

 _Janus downloaded it for CP, so he could talk to CP without the stupid censoring of cuss words or numbers._ )

Three weeks, before CP became demanding and manipulative.

Three weeks, before CP would come in and flip Janus's world every which way in a constant state of confusion, doubt, guilt and panic. 

Three weeks, before Janus's life was about to get more fucked up than it already was.

If Janus could go back, he'd take back those three weeks.

He wouldn't have even logged into ROBLOX that day.

He wouldn't have, and he wished, oh god he wished, that he didn't, but he did.

He did and there's no going back.

He did and now he has to live with the consequences.

The shitty, almost unbearable, consequences.

_**just as i** _

Janus would start talking to CP on Kik, and he'd quickly learned more about CP then he ever could've through ROBLOX.

Janus learned more about CP than he ever really wanted to.

From dick pics to kinks, Janus soon got a pretty good idea of what kind of person CP was.

Janus knew he shouldn't have been talking to some stranger ( ~~ _but CP wasn't a stranger! They were friends!_~~ ) online about any of the stuff he would talk about.

He knew, but.. he didn't really care.

And the little bit of him that did was quickly discouraged by CP's threats to hurt himself if Janus didn't comply to everything CP told him to do.

He was.. he doesn't remember how old he was but he knows it was somewhere between nine and ten years old.

Being so young, he didn't really understand much about sex. 

He knew more than he probably should've by then, but he didn't know too too much about the nitty gritty stuff.

He knew about porn, and how to hump, and that making out was kissing with tongue ( _basically_ ), and about sex toys, and condoms, and that at the end of sex you let out some sticky stuff from your private ( _but he didn't know the name of it_ ).

CP was eager to teach him.

To tell him what to do, what would feel best, how long to keep his movements up, and other things Janus can't remember.

By the end of the first month talking to CP on Kik, Janus knew about kinks, cum, the names of multiple sex toys, about five or so different positions for sex, how to pleasure himself, what arousal was, and about what moans were.

CP was nice, he was teaching him all these new things!

Or.. that's what Janus, a child, a ten year old, thought.

**_bottomed out_ **

CP knew Janus wasn't very comfortable doing most of the things CP told him to do, however CP also knew that Janus would do them regardless.

Despite his discomfort, he'd do it.

For CP.

And CP knew to praise him for doing what he told, especially after something that Janus was extremely uncomfortable with and that had took a lot of convincing before Janus finally gave in and did it. 

Janus liked the praise, not only did it make his stomach fill with butterflies, but he was finally able to feel good, worth something, cared about, and maybe even loved at times. 

Janus loved the praise, because his parents never did pay to much attention to him after he'd turned five, and if they did, it was strongly negative.

CP have him what no one else in his life would bother to.

Not only that, but CP taught him sexual things too! 

Janus never really knew why.

That was, until CP told Janus to record himself touching himself, just like CP had taught him.

After that, Janus would always send pictures or videos of him doing things to himself, and he'd find himself moaning, because it felt good, he'd felt good.

But after taking the video or sending the pictures, Janus would feel disgusted by himself.

He'd feel so.. gross, so dirty.

But he never told CP about this, Janus figured there was just something wrong with him.

After some time, about maybe.. five months of this, Janus had started to feel worse and worse after and while talking to CP.

Janus had to keep sending pictures, had to do what CP said, or else CP was quick to remind him that if he didn't, CP would hurt himself.

And it'd be all Janus's fault.

So, Janus complied still. 

Janus did as he was told.

**_and i tried to scream_ **

Until one day, when Janus had felt particularly terrible and CP wouldn't stop degrading him and telling him to do nasty things to himself and that if CP were there he'd wreck Janus and make him into a screaming, crying, overstimulated mess. 

It was too much for Janus, he couldn't handle visualizing it, he could handle it.

Janus kept asking CP to stop, to which CP would reply with more and more aggressive and violent things he'd do to Janus.

Finally, Janus snapped and told CP if he didn't stop he'd block him.

That got CP to stop.

CP started pleading with him to not block him, but when he saw that begging wouldn't work on Janus ( _at least, not at that moment_ ), started insulting and threatening Janus.

One of the last threats Janus saw before blocking him and deleting the app was: " _I'll find you, whore. I'll make you mine. I'll abuse your holes so fucking much, you'll regret this._ " 

_**"fuck you!"** _

From then on, whenever Janus heard the doorbell ring, or a sound that was completely normal, or saw a new car driving by, he was convinced, if only for a few seconds, that CP had found him.

That CP was going to.. fulfill his promise, his threat. 

It took almost six months for Janus to be able to hear the doorbell and not freak out ( _sometimes to the point of a panic attack_ ).

Janus still got terrified of that from time to time, especially if he'd been having a bad time recently, and he'd revert to that small, scared, disgusted and confused child who was lost and miserable.

Fuck, it'd still pull him into a panic attack, even after all these years.

It was pathetic.

It was his fault anyway, if he just blocked CP earlier, if he'd just not talked to CP period, if he'd left the minute CP did something that made Janus uncomfortable, none of this would've happened.

No, wait, stop.

It was CP's fault too.

For talking to him, despite knowing his age.

For threatening him so often if he didn't do it.

For continuing to talk with Janus after they'd told their ages to each other.

CP was a 21 year old man, he should've know better, he should've been better.

CP was the fucking pedo, not Janus!

Yes, Janus thinks he is partially at fault, but CP is just as at fault as he is, if not a little more.

All of this sucked.

The whole CP thing, it was terrible.

He thinks one of the worst parts ( _now, when he's just dealing with the aftermath_ ) is that he can't tell anyone else about CP.

They wouldn't believe him.

Janus isn't attractive, and he lies all the time anyway.

Why would someone want him so bad as to do something like that to him?

And why wouldn't Janus just be lying about it?

Janus doesn't even have any proof.

No screenshots.

No usernames.

No actual names.

Nothing.

Just the effects of everything.

Everything CP did.

Everything Janus did for CP.

If Janus didn't have any proof, and was known for lying, why would anyone ever begin to believe him?

Janus couldn't give you a reason.

There isn't one.

Instead of telling people and risking everything, Janus could take it out on himself.

After all, it was him who did what CP said, it was him who didn't block CP earlier, it was him who was so gullible and naïve, it was him who let CP do those things, it was him who didn't tell anyone about what CP was doing while he was still actively doing it.

**_but blood was pouring out my mouth_ **

**Author's Note:**

> whoops
> 
> song: The Beer by Kimya Dawson (i found the sound on tiktok so..)
> 
> also sidenote that tiktok (↑) was what made me have the panic attack last night lol


End file.
